jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
