Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
