I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
