I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize