I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
When are your genitals available?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
