guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i dont even know how to be here
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
