you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
