her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
