her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
