so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
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Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
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In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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