Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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