i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
