**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize