i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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