She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
