and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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