I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
pray to the hookup gods
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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