I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
