my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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