you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
