I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My vagina just recognized that song.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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