I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
