dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
