It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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