Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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