mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
