my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
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