another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
