guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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