maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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