Betty ford says i'm here all night
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Randomize
