can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
