you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
