Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
