remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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