the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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