Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
