I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
