I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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