My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
