He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
