The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's blow job season.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
