FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
