We won't sleep together?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
