Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I did not marry a roomba.
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