Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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