Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My room smells like vodka and shame
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
