i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
