you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize