was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
