everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
