people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i will never coherently bang her
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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