All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
And then he peed in my hair
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
