I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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