I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
