Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
