1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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