Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
