She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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