He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
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Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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