overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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