The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
