First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
love makes seman taste better
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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