we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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