This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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