kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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